Who Would Have Thought?

Yesterday I told you how I am not an emotional mom but I get my slaps of reality here and there. 

Today was the first day of school.  I won't lie, I was looking forward to the kids going to school so that I could get back those hours in the day to craft and create.

Dave & I took the kids to school for their opening. It was wonderful to have the whole school - faculty, students and parents - together starting their year off with a Biblical focus and prayer.  Once the kids were dismissed, the parents were invited to stay for bagels and coffee in order to meet each other.  I was able to meet the mother and aunt of a girl who is starting this year at HCS in Emily's class. I was also able to catch up with the mother of another girl in 5th grade who I attended MOPS with when our girls were younger. 

My intention was to come home after 2 errands and get started on a few elements need for the HCS bulletin board. While at the 3rd store, I started to feel it - that little tugging on my heart.  When I reached my fourth store (you do realize I said only 2 errands) the reality slap came full force, I texted my friend, Debbie, and admitted something I never thought I would - "I miss my kids". Here I was procrastinating going home to the silence. What is this? This can't be happening!! 

I realized that there are two parts to this "missing" feeling. The first part is my motherly concern that they are liking their new school and fitting in.  Dave & I know this was the right decision sending them to HCS, we felt God leading us to do so and making it possible but it is new to the kids.  I want them to be happy they are there!  

The other part is that this is the first summer I've spent the entire summer with the kids.  Emily started a special education summer program when she completed PreK4 and we also involved her in day camp. Matt started in a day care program that include a few days during the summer too when he was very young. Then, the last two summers both kids attended Cornerstone Day Camp and Summer Fun programs at First Baptist Church in Hackensack.  This summer we decided it was best financially to not involve them in any summer programs.  It was the first full summer I had with them and I have to say I think we had a lot of fun.

So, today I have found myself in moments of loneliness and missing my kids.  No, no tears have come but my heart has been wrung out and when I pick them up from school today and tell them "I missed you".....I won't be just saying that, I have truly felt it!