Emily's Time at the Wheel

Recently, I read an excellent book Cleaning House about ridding children of youth entitlement. 

One important thing I took from this book is that many times we help our children when they don't necessarily need it.  In the name of love, we try and keep them from having hurt feelings and/or the hurt of failure when we know as Christians that it is in our failures that we seek God most (although our seeking should be at all times). I started to wonder if I have kept or taken away some of the blessings my children would have received from God if I had not stepped in.  Now, don't get me wrong I am not saying throw them into pure chaos and hope all goes okay but are we doing too much?

Emily - our first born child.  She has been our road map for parenting.  God made a slight diversion for us on her road map when after she finished PreK 4 we had her evaluated due to her delay in speech, comprehension and social skills. Making that call was not an easy one but God gave us the push needed through the gentle nudging of an amazing teacher who loved Emily. 

I had heard about people fighting desperately to get special ed services for their child so when we went to our first meeting I came with a binder filled with information regarding Emily - I was ready for battle. I've come to realize that God went into that room before us and already won the battle. Emily was given the most amazing case worker. She was with her from that first meeting and has been with her to the end of her enrollment in the Lodi special ed program - we will miss her.  

At that first meeting, Emily was approved to start in a specialized program through the South Bergen Jointure that summer. Dave and I were thrilled that there was something for her and we knew we had to do everything in our power to benefit her. Through that entire journey God was ahead of us and Emily. Emily was placed into a high functioning autistic inclusion program that was just being started in the fall of her Kindergarten year. Later that year, we found out that all six slots for that class were filled but a parent decided at the last minute to not advance her child and all the personnel suggested Emily based on that 1 month of summer school after her evaluation. God is good! She has an amazing teacher and aides for her 2 years there. 

When Emily was mainstreamed back into general education, God was again making the way. This was the first time we had any "opposition" in what we felt was right for Emily and that was to repeat 1st grade. They did approve what we suggested and praise God Emily's performance that year showed them this was the right choice. Her 1st grade teacher was everything she needed to make that crucial transition and she will always have a special place in our hearts. Emily continued to show major progress in 2nd and 3rd grade.

During all this time, I have to admit I was Emily's safety net.  I made sure she was doing things correctly.  I was there by her side checking......keeping her from any kind of failure and when it did happen (she did get a few low grades and her 1st F last year) we worked together harder. Emily still managed to end the year with all A's & B's. But did I help too much?

Because of how far Emily progressed and knowing it was God's wanting, we enrolled her in HCS this year.  She will be being evaluated for a new IEP by a new team and we will have a new caseworker but I know God has got that!

So, now comes the big change. Time for Emily to take the wheel. Tonight, Emily had her first major night of homework. She proudly told me that while Matt and I were vegging together she did her home work. I asked her about the History and Bible quiz she has later in the week and she confidently told me "I know it". Then, I asked if she wanted me to check her math or to let it go in as is and she said "I did it mom, let it go". The time has come to let her steer her own boat and for me to step off. Emily's confidence is strong and I need to show her that I trust in her confidence as much as she does. Yes, I will keep track of quiz & test dates, and I'll ask her if she wants or needs help but it is time to let her learn from her own work and to be blessed in the ways God wants to bless her.  No, if the grades take a plummet, I'm not going to let it go unnoticed but I will work with her to find out how she can turn it around and how she can change things.....it is time for her to be the captain of her own boat and to stand up fearlessly in the face of things and know that she has a family that is beside her and a God that will guide her through but not walk her walk that is up to her!

I remember this trip as if it was yesterday - it was 2007 and Matt's 2nd birthday.Dave surprised us with a trip in a sail boat. I remember the fearlessness of Emily as she stood at the side as the boat was half way on its side riding the waves. Today, I saw and heard that same fearlessness. I know I can let her steer this boat, I'll just be on the radio if she needs me.